It's okay to have some demons. If anyone tells you they're without, they aren't being very honest. Managing a demon well is still carrying one. I won't tell you how to carry yours. I can tell you how I carry mine.
I might not be able to hear 🎧 you in 20 years, and I might be a shriveled prune 🛀... but I will know joy in living a beautiful broken life.
This might just be me sweating out a virus that I haven't had to feel in half a decade due to a kick ass immune system -- that apparently caught up with me -- but when I am sick it also comes with hormones and spiralling thoughts. Not sure why, but the woe is me hits me like a man cold and I crumble. This is why I DON'T GET SICK. This year has been kinda crazy around here. I have felt so distant from many people, yet amazingly present in my little family's life. My brain needed this. I do NOT apologize for my needs. I prioritize self care because I don't like myself when I feel chaotic. I prioritize my quiet corner of the world because this is where I reap the sweetest harvest. Sharing my life isn't always easy, because I contend everyday with doubts and fears and anxiety. I am not always 100% but I keep reminding myself about what I heard Staci Eldredge say this year... "Your 10%, is 100% of what someone else needs." Seems easy to remember, right?! Spiritually I can be a slow learner. 😉 I want to do better about sharing the dark and twisty... It may seem weird to some people, but to me it is like fresh freaking air. I know there are other weirdos like me out there who feel all of their feelings on the outside. Who won't run away because it's overwhelming to someone who lives inside out. This doesn't mean I allow myself to fall into a pit and stay stuck for long. I fight my way out and it isn't always pretty. I don't like help. I don't mind a shoulder to cry on if you are present when I am all feely, though I tend to do my best processing when I meditate through it a bit first. I Identify as a four on The Enneagram after all. We tend to withdraw and put up a fight before we submit to our needs. Awareness in myself has been key to crushing the walls I put up or come up to. #myownworstenemy Awareness that I have a tribe who cares and wants to be present in my brokenness is still really hard for me, inviting them in is still foreign. Those who share their story help me see that we are not alone. No matter how alone society tells you you are, trust me, you are very loved and worthy to be seen as you are. Sweat out those demons... Music and a sweat inducing bath may not be your barrel of whiskey... Did you know these are exactly what fours on the Enneagram can benifit from? An 8 or 6 may not find effectiveness in these forms of meditation. Why do I love the Enneagram? Because it has been the most successful at helping me see my personality as fluid and keeps me from putting myself in a shell. Find what works for you and you will know its working... It will click. You might need to tweak it every now and then but it will keep working if you allow it. I see you, you aren't alone, let's be better together. ❤️