Only a Season...


The only thing I remember about this trip was trying to keep him from breaking anything. Praying we could have a moment to eat without him going crazy. I mean seriously, we literally brought a bull into a China shop... or in this case crazy expensive clock shops! What were we thinking? 

August 2009, Black Forest, Germany

Right after this photo he was going again. I was 8 months pregnant... tired was an understatement. Those of you with littles let me give you a huge amount of hope... We go out to eat with both kids now, and never have to worry about keeping them occupied. Honestly I never thought I would say that. I never thought we would have freedom to go to quiet places with our kids, or take them into delicate shops without fear, or have memories that aren't trying to keep a very busy kid from destroying every clock shop we entered. 

I personally didn't enjoy the early days of parenting, but I have enjoyed them so much more now! We share memories, and hang out with them. I offer to bring them with me if I have to go to the store... yep, I offer them the option and bring them with me and no one goes crazy! THIS is what I have waited for. It may not feel like a big deal to most, but to me, after years of being stared at for my crying children, and years of pure chaos... YEARS of seeing so many others with tiny children who could handle going out in public... FINALLY there is this peace... a sweet spot before hormones ruin both my children. 

I am actually excited about the teen years! I know I may regret saying that without knocking on wood, but I truly did not enjoy the early years. I was never comfortable living in each of the early seasons, in the moment. I never saw the good... it was always chaos and always hard to breathe. I felt resentful, tired, numb, and constantly waiting...

Waiting for a time we could want to take them out with us without stressing...

Waiting for them to be calmer...

Waiting for them to see what we were teaching them...

Waiting for them to mature so they could handle situations...

Waiting for both to be out of diapers...

Waiting for them to be less picky...

Waiting for them to learn their own coping skills...

Waiting...

Waiting...

Waiting...

I don't feel like I am in a season of waiting anymore. I feel free while I allow space for them to figure things out. Maybe I stopped needing to wait for myself to mature as a parent... maybe this is a season where it is my children's turn to wait for their own growth. Maybe? 

All I know is during all that waiting I lost out on remembering the good! If you notice yourself waiting, remember to write down or pay attention to all those times that you enjoy. Take a moment each day, or week to think about what you did with yoyr children. Burn it into your brain even if it is hard. This maybe even more difficult if you suffered from post partum depression like me, where part of your brain is specifically turning itself off in order to survive and live without fear or extreme stress. I promise you will want to at least try to keep notes on that time. 

If you don't you will be like me, warning other parents to take a moment. See the good... soak it in... and try not to regret the times you forgot. It is okay to forget things. Our bodies do it to protect us from hurting ourselves mentally, emotionally, and physically. It will help though to write it down or take a photo before your brain needs to remove it. 

You may enjoy every moment of the early days, and that is AWESOME! Maybe you won't enjoy the season where they grow up and talk back to you, or call you the "worst mom ever, because you obviously don't love..." them 😂.

Maybe that is when you will need to take a moment to remember, to write it down or preserve a memory before it is lost. 

Whatever season you are in, find the good before it is gone. 

Don't forget to keep breathing...

Don't forget to find the joy... 


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